At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im part way to drunk.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
