I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
