Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
