Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
