I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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