i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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