We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
