even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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