it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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