i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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