butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
