I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
