May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
