so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
