Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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