why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
