Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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