You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
