I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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