i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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