She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
