Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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