Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
