We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
