I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
