dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
