I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
