Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
