Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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