You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
