How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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