So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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