is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
