You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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