she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
