is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
