Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
it's like iHOP with fire
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
