there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
