Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
