Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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