We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
