We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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