The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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