Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
