Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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