Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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