C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
