I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We need to get me chipped asap
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
