I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
