i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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