Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
