I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I fill condoms, not promises.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
