OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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